** Warning: Lots of rambling to follow **

Tonight, I’m painfully reminded of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

For those of you who may not know, It’s a psychological model developed to demonstrate the different levels of human needs. By way of example, let’s say a person is dealing with a Level 3 need. According to the theory, this Level 3 need is only relevant if the Level 1 & 2 needs have been met. If the theory is correct (which it mostly is), a person would abandon the Level 3 need if a Level 1 or 2 need is suddenly not being met.

… Here’s an example. Let’s say the following is true:

Level 1: Food & Shelter
Level 2: Family Relationships
Level 3: Social Status

If the theory holds true, a person would quickly abandon the need for social status (Level 3) if they suddenly have no food or shelter (Level 1). … If you’re slow (like me), here’s another example: You’re in a restaurant. Your steak is served completely wrong. Your bladder is about to explode. What are you going to do? Since physiological needs are lower on the hierarchy than, say, quality of restaurant food service, you won’t worry about the steak being served wrong until you’ve spent 8-10 minutes in the restroom. (Or, if you’ve eaten the Chocolate Lasagna at Olive Garden, a minimum of 45 minutes)

Maslow’s onto something here. I’m convinced that each of us have very differing levels in our individual hierarchy of needs. However, I believe we ALL share the same Level 1.

Relationships.

Let’s say you really love someone. … Like a husband loves his wife. Like a mother loves her child. Or, if you’re in California, like a husband loves his… umm, husband (Vote NO on Prop 8!). Sorry, bad joke. … Now, let’s say that object of your love is suddenly gone.

No matter what level you were operating on, it is quickly abandoned in favor of the gaping hole in your heart that this lost relationship has caused.

Money? Eh, who cares.
Status? Doesn’t even matter.
Sports? Annoying background noise.
Sleep? Yeah right.
Acquaintances? A waste of time.

As much as we may like to ignore it, we all have Level 1 in common. … And when Level 1 is suddenly not being met, we’ve actually given a name to the instinctive action that follows when we abandon everything else to attend to that need: We call it heartbreak.

Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”

What cancer is to the human body, heartbreak is to human emotions. Solomon’s words painfully illustrate how much we really do live out of our hearts. When our hearts are broken, suddenly we’re not all that hungry anymore. We really could care less about the score to the game. Whether or not we’re presentable in public is barely an afterthought. All the money in the world becomes an even exchange for some sort of freedom from the ailing condition of our hearts. We are reminded that our hearts are fragile and the cure can only be bought by an expensive combination of tears and time.

I’ve found the pattern of heartbreak to work like this:

- We meet someone.
- We create expectations about and/or with that person.
- We create assumed realities that are tied to those expectations about and/or with that person.

Once we allow ourselves to expect certain realities to be born out of a relationship, there are only two possible conclusions:

(1) Those expectations are met.
(2) Those expectations are not met.

Heartbreak is the experience we endure when expectations about and/or with a person are not met. The feeling that the entire world is crashing down in front of you is essentially what is taking place. Every expectation and reality tied to that person or relationship comes crashing down. There is no pain on earth like the pain of a broken relationship.

Tonight, well, this morning… my heart is very broken. I have every symptom. In some ways, I’m to blame for my own condition. Here are some words to live by:

- No matter your intentions, how they’re packaged is what counts.
- Great distance coupled with even one careless judgment can result in insurmountable insecurity.
- If relationships aren’t the central focus of your life, they will surely become the central focus of your sorrow.

… Here’s the truth. I’m not looking for a quick fix to heal my brokenness. If there’s any hint of joy in such great heartache it is this: Love is the cause of my despair. … To feel this devastated validates its existence.

I asked God months ago to experience the full reality of love. I never counted on this being part of it. And maybe it’s not, who knows. But if it is, I choose to embrace the heartache of it, even though everything in me wants to shut down and die.

In all of this, there is one thing I am sure of: I don’t regret loving another person for one second.

It was worth it.

It always will be.

Good night. … Or, for most, good morning.

Subscribe to J-Ri.com by Email
Email me!
Subscribe to my Feed!
Add me on Facebook!