Well, day two is here. Here’s a list of productive things I did yesterday:

- Stood up over a dozen times.
- Got the mail.
- Did the dishes.

… Yep, that’s about it. Last night, I spent about 2 hours in silence thinking about everything I’m going to miss. I realized that so many of the things I enjoy are wrapped up in enjoying them with her. Coffee… Shopping… Lakers games… there I go, doing it again. By 2:30a, I ripped myself out of the apartment and went to the gym. It didn’t really help. I fell asleep around 5:30a and slept until about 9a. … Better than yesterday I guess.

I’m seriously lacking motivation today. Even writing this blog feels like the grandest of all chores. The psychologist inside of me said this today:

“J-Ri, the challenge you’re facing is detachment. A large majority of the happiness in your life has been wrapped up in things you did together. That’s why you’re having a hard time enjoying anything, because it all reminds you of the magnitude of your loss.”

The more integrated a person is in your life, the more difficult it is to pick yourself up and live your life without the presence of that person. Your emotions respond in the same way that your body responds to the detachment of an addiction. Basically, they freak out. All of your energy focuses on trying to regulate the insanity of how you feel. I guess that explains my pathetic lack of energy and motivation.

… Honestly, I don’t have a whole lot else to say today. I’ve got a mind filled with conflicting thoughts. When I sort them out — IF I sort them out — I’ll be sure to splash them down as words on a piece of paper.

… IF I can find the motivation.

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