To say the Lakers defense has been bad lately is like saying Rosie O’Donnell is round. Sure, she’s round. Then again, so is the Earth. I feel like I’m watching five poorly dressed door guards check VIP passes. Only, they’re not very good at it. They let everyone inside. Yes, even the semi-cute girl who decided to bring her “friend”.
Memo to the Lakers: Staples Center isn’t the Ivar and Lindsay Lohan isn’t wearing a basketball jersey. Roll up the red carpet and close the door.
Yes, the Lakers are 18-3, and that looks really nice in the standings. And of course, we could be the Clippers, so we do have a lot to be thankful for. However, we’re starting to develop some bad habits that will surely cost us down the road. Just take a look at what’s happened this month:
* Warning: Boring stats for non-basketball fans to come.
12/2 @ Indiana (7-10) – Loss.
Lakers 101, Pacers 86, End 3rd.
Lakers 117, Pacers 118, Final.
Need I say more?
12/5 @ Washington (3-14) – Win.
Lakers 87, Wizards 72, End 3rd.
Lakers 106, Wizards 104, Final.
The Wizards? Really?
12/7 vs Milwaukee (9-13) – Win.
Bucks, through 3 quarters, score a total of 54 points.
In the 4th quarter, they score a season high 38 points.
Yes, they were playing the Bucks. Yes, that really happened.
12/9 @ Sacramento (6-16) – Loss.
Kings 113, Lakers 101, Final.
The Lakers fail to win a single quarter. Sacramento breaks an 8 game HOME losing streak.
Did I mention there were more Lakers fans at the game than Kings fans?
12/10 vs Phoenix (13-10) – Win.
No Shaq. No Boris Diaw. No Raja Bell. The Suns dress a total of 8 players.
Lakers rally late to hang on for the win.
Lakers 115, Suns 110, Final.
*Boring stats section completed. Continue reading below.
I feel like Nicole Richie may be able to out muscle Pau Gasol. I wouldn’t want to take a rib to the chest from her. I love Kobe, but his energy level has been Shaq-like. Where’s the MVP? Where’s the Lakers team that raped Houston by 29 points last month? Who pimp-slapped the Hornets on the road? Someone get Dr. House on the line.
Meanwhile, in the city of hell (I.e. Boston), the evil horde of Celtics are surely enjoying the Lakers defensive struggles. In-between Satanic team rituals, the Celtics have started 21-2 after whipping a Wizards team tonight (the same team the Lakers barely survived last week) by 34 points. Did I mention the Lakers and Celtics are getting together on Christmas Day?
At this rate, there won’t be anything merry about Christmas.
Unless you’re wearing green.
Here are some similar posts you may enjoy:
Tags: 
really…you need to joan on the Wizards like that??