This sentence marks the official beginning of J-Ri.com’s advice column. Thanks to my years and years of college and graduate school, I believe that I am unquestionably qualified to speak to all of your life situations. I feel a certain sense of obligation to help you be, for lack of a better expression, less-dumb. It is my genuine desire to help steer you away from the bad advice you may get from that one friend we all have.
After I read what you’re about to read (and comment on), I had a thought, “I wonder if I can completely debase myself in less words than Kris did it in?” So, here it goes:
I’ve only man-dated a couple of guys. I’m very picky about the type of guys I do chick stuff with.
(Pretty good, huh?)
That will make sense after you read all of this.
Panera Bread. Have you ever noticed that every Panera Bread location in America employs two non-English speaking Spanish women? No, they don’t work in the back, or get drinks, or clean the counters like most Spanish only speaking Mexicans typically do in America. They are specifically responsible to announce your name into the kinda audible [...]
Lindsey Lohan. I, for one, think Lindsey Lohan is a phenomenally stable young woman who has become a helpless victim to a prejudice and partial media. Hold on, let me to clarify. By stable, I mean disturbed. And by prejudice, I mean absolutely accurate. I apologize for the confusion. I blame it on the small [...]
Based on some recent feedback, I feel the need to clarify a couple of things. My random thoughts for the week are NOT to be taken seriously. I’d like to set the record straight and spell out a couple of clarifications for anyone who may be concerned about my general well being and/or mental stability: [...]
Here’s a fact: James Brown attracts more chicks than King Solomon. Seriously, it’s out of control. I had quite a reality check last week in regards to this. Every girl I’ve ever dated has been with me for one reason: To get a chance to know James Brown. Equally as dismal, every girl I’ve ever [...]
If we don’t get an ETC on that escalation, we’re going to be forced to open a Sev 1″ – What is this idiotic verbiage you ask? I like to call it “CABS” (Corporate America B.S). Who speaks this dialect? Well, millions of overworked, overweight, underpaid people in office buildings all across America. Everyday, [...]
“Trade Me” – those two words uttered from a steaming Kobe Bryant on Wednesday sent me into a dreadful panic – The same panic I’m sure Hugh Hefner will feel when he realizes there is in fact a God. I saw eleven years of games winners, MVP chants, 81 point games and ring ceremonies flash [...]
Seriously, how exasperating are the endless myspace ad’s? Here are a few of my favorites. True.com – This ad kills me. You gotta’ love the semi-attractive model in front of the low quality web cam doing random, sexual – but not really sexual – activities. Are we to really believe that these girls turn on [...]
Has anyone seen the latest GQ w/ Ms. Jessica Alba on it? … Wow. I found my mailbox half melted and quivering on the street when this arrived at my house. If she were to make a pass at me (Like she did in my daydream a minute ago), I would be forced to turn [...]