Pop in a few of those SSRI’s sitting on your nightstand (it’s totally safe, I swear), grab a notepad and get comfortable. The time has come to open up Dr. J-Ri’s first mailbag. For those of you who have no idea what this is all about, click here before you take me way too seriously and destroy your life.

I received quite a few emails (most of them were hilarious), so please continue to send them in. Thanks to your endless array of personal failures, this will likely be the first of several mailbags. Um, I’m going to need you to calm down. I’m not starting until you do. We’re all waiting…

Thank you.

This sentence marks the official beginning of J-Ri.com’s advice column. Thanks to my years and years of college and graduate school, I believe that I am unquestionably qualified to speak to all of your life situations. I feel a certain sense of obligation to help you be, for lack of a better expression, less-dumb. It is my genuine desire to help steer you away from the bad advice you may get from that one friend we all have.