Farrah Faucet died. Michael Jackson died. Sick of hearing about it? Me too. Here’s my non-celebrity death edition of Random Thoughts. Enjoy!
Terrell Owens & Joanna Krupa. Anyone catch The Superstars this week? If you’re bulimic, blonde and bitchy, you have a new super-biznitch to aspire too: Joanna Krupa. She’s the Tiger Woods of self-absorbed supermodels. How do these genetically gifted chicks get so full of themselves?
Random Person: Hi; what do you do?
SM: I charge people to look at me.
Random Person: Wow, you should be so proud…
Because that makes sense. Joanna’s that chick who looks in the mirror, see’s a zit growing on her tanned forehead, and blames the mirror for it.
“OMG, I hate this mirror, like, somebody get it out of here, it’s so disrespectful.”
And your existence is disrespectful.
Who said prostitution is illegal anyway? Sounds to me like the poor bastard she calls her boyfriend is paying in much bigger ways than money.
PB&J’s. I want to eat a PB&J right now. As you read these words, that statement remains true about me. I mean, everybody’s got their own guilty pleasure food(s), right?
Rosie O’Donnell likes to eat people.
Mike Dunleavy never misses a chance to eat the heart of his players.
J-Ri loves to eat PB&J.
One day, this will unquestionably happen:
It’s 1am.
I’m sleeping.
Wife turns on the light.
I roll over.
She hands me a PB&J.
270 days later, “Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Riley; it’s a boy.”
(Cynically, the most fictional part of that setting is the wife part)
Transformers 2. I will admit this: Shia LaBeouf did a good job. Still, it’s an enigma to me why so many girls pine for that kid. He’s as short as I am, describes himself as a ‘chronic smoker’ and has the physique of a shaved pigeon.
“Yeah, I can see that.”
Speaking of pining: Isabel Lucas. OMG. She was hotter than my kitchen was this morning after forgetting to turn my oven off last night (We’ll save that for another blog). After seeing Isabel walk onto the set, there’s a good chance Megan Fox darted for the bathroom and puked up some of that air she had just eaten for lunch. In her defense, she’s gotta’ get it out somehow; her head is well over capacity.
Here’s the general storyline:
Large robots fight.
Megan Fox strikes a pose.
Shia LaBeouf almost dies.
Random Explosions.
Repeat.
It’s as dumb as it sounds. Here’s the only way you should ever find yourself watching this movie:
Your friend says, “It looks like it’s between Year One and Transformers, which one would you rather see?” Even then, if you can run, I suggest giving that a shot.
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Am I gonna have to write a post called “How do I love thee Shia, let me count the ways”?
While I did enjoy Transformers 2 (then again I am a girl and all those robot movies are the same to me), I will say that I was a little disappointed that the guys got Megan Fox and that blonde girl, I would have liked at least 1 scene with Josh Duhamel shirtless. I’m just sayin, I think the female audience would have much rather seen that than Jon Torturro in a thong.
Ha-ha, yes, please do! I miss your writing; how are things going down in blazing HOT Texas!? Far cry from NYC, huh?
As non-gay as I can possibly sound, Josh Duhamel was by far the best looking guy in the movie.
Crap, that wasn’t very non-gay, huh!?
its good to be able to laugh so hard at your blogs again!
however, i’m shocked at your opinion of megan fox. you may be the only male on the planet that would NOT want her to be handing you that pb&j…
-Shia Labeouf is a Grade A actor. Girls like him because of that and because he’s cute and good-looking without being an airheaded pretty boy.
-Megan Fox’s modesty is one of the things I like about her, actually if she weren’t modest I would probably dislike her. I don’t think she gives herself enough credit, her character Mikaela Banes is not just eye candy or a helpless damsel in distress like some other superhero genre leading ladies (cough cough Mary Jane Watson.)
-Shia and Megan have great chemistry.
-The Autobots were literally “tearin’ it up” kickin’ some major Decepticon ass.
-The supporting characters were all cool too with the exception of that decepticon ho tryin’ to get up on Megan’s, I mean, Mikaela’s man. I wanted Megan tear her ass up.
-Hilarious comic relief.