Boring!

It’s amazing to me that these guys are able to form complete sentences without saying anything at all.

Tom: Mr. Riley, why did the Lakers lose tonight?

J-Ri: Well, the sky is blue, Tom (chuckles). School’s need money to provide more dodge balls at recess. It’s been said that higher taxes mean you pay more in taxes. I just don’t believe in superstition, Tom. The economy on Wall Street isn’t on Main Street. When I’m President, I will put an end to change by changing foreign policy.

I don’t think we should call these debates by that name anymore. I vote that we call tonight’s debate, The Words Forum with Tom Brokaw. I’m starting to wonder if Lauren Upton of Miss Teen USA fame has been writing John McCain’s responses. Remember her?

Always good for a laugh.

I’m pretty sure I saw an ad for Derek Zoolander’s School for Kids who can’t read good and want to learn to do other things good too. On second thought, that may have happened during the nap I was taking. There’s really no way to be sure.

By far, my favorite moment of tonight’s comatose Words Forum with Tom Brokaw was towards the end:

Tom: What don’t you know, and how do you plan to learn it?

Obama: Let me tell you what I do know…

No, really… this actually happened. On Bill Simmons famous UCR scale of 65 through 100, this is easily a 134. Have fun with that one SNL.

Since we all need a little entertainment after suffering a mild stroke during tonight’s Words Forum with Tom Brokaw, here you go.

Tom: Senator McCain, Senator Obama, what is your favorite color?

McCain: Tom, thank you for your question. Unlike Senator Obama, who voted for green as his favorite color, I believe that all colors hold the same value. 619 years ago when I carried my spear into battle, the world had no color. I spent 411 years in Congress, and my record shows I voted for a colorful world every time. Senator Obama wasn’t part of that legislation. He was off being not born yet.

Obama: Thank you America for asking this great question. I’m not surprised that I need to correct John again by saying that I never voted for green. Lime is a distinctly different color than green. In the great city of America, middle-class families don’t call tree leafs lime. John has voted to remove the color green from the color spectrum. My tax plan will increase spending to make sure that the color green is easily visible to middle-class American families.

Tom: Senator Obama, Senator McCain, 2+2= what?

Obama: Again, excellent question. Flippancy would suggest that 2 is representative of a number. When I am President, I will not give in to flippant legislation. I will reform Wall Street by making sure math courses are available to every company executive. I will sign a bi-partisan bill that will immediately make available 100 million calculators to families without number aptitude. John’s tax plan will not only make calculators more expensive, he’ll raise calculator tax on middle-income America.

McCain: Unlike Senator Obama, I have experience using a calculator. The power is not in the mathematics, but in the American work force doing their part at calculator factories in small-town America. My tax-plan includes a $5,000 tax credit for everyday working American’s so they can choose their calculator manufacturer.

Don’t worry guys, there’s one more debate. … And that means one more recap on J-Ri.com. Maybe next time I’ll have something serious to say.

Maybe.

Good night America. I’m Jason Riley, and I’ve voted 47 times to approve this message.