Who says the NBA isn’t scripted? Excluding Kobe’s arctic performance in game 4, the same storyline was present in each game of this series:

Lakers build giant lead.
Jazz come storming back.
Lakers get it together just in time to hang on.

In just five playoff games, the Lakers have shown us an array of potential for greatness, and an equal capability for disaster. From the good to the awful, here’s what we can gauge from the Lakers first round victory over the Utah Jazz.

197 days ago, the Lakers kicked off the season, and the visiting Portland Trail Blazers, in the same night. 82 games, 65 wins and a few lethargic efforts later, the Lakers have finally arrived at the commencement of their journey. Sunday afternoon, the anticipation of an NBA championship quietly shifted from elusive to tangible, from future goal to present reality.

I spent the entire first half standing with one hand holding a cup of coffee, the other expressively fist pumping and high-fiving at every reasonable opportunity.

April is a great month.

Well, unless you’re a sports-hating woman (or man) who’s dating, married to or sleeping with a sports-loving man (or woman). If that’s you, you may want to navigate that little pointer thing on your screen to the “X” in the top right corner. Have a great evening, and by all means, enjoy whatever boring, non-sports things you like to do.

As for the rest of us, let’s get back to April. The Final Four is a hallowed 72-hours at the beginning of April. During those three astounding days have you ever truthfully said, “Wow, I really got a lot accomplished the last few days?” Yeah, me neither.

I couldn’t possibly be more excited that the playoffs are finally here.

It would be really easy to sit here and regurgitate the Lakers vs. Cleveland, Lebron vs. Kobe, The Now vs. The Future predictions and plot-lines like every other sports columnist in America. And, if I were a betting man, I’d confidently be placing my money on the Lakers to beat Cleveland in six games in the NBA Finals.

Instead, I decided to step out on a limb and present to you five bold predictions, err… possibilities, for the 2009 NBA Playoffs. In other words, here are five stories nobody is talking about that I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised to see during this postseason.

When I say Clippers, you think…

And you should feel absolutely no shame for laughing. Earlier this week, I read this story and my heart leapt with excitement. I have watched NBA basketball my entire life. My first memories are at the Forum with my Dad watching the Showtime Lakers of the 80′s. I was in High School during Jordan’s 3-peat farewell tour. I’ve missed about a dozen Lakers’ games since Kobe Bryant first pulled an NBA jersey over his head. You watch basketball in hopes of beholding greatness.

I’ve got to be honest with you guys, the regular season is starting to bore me. Am I alone on this one? I’d imagine I feel a lot like Jack Black does when he’s eating dinner. Regular food just doesn’t taste as good when you know that desert is coming out next. I mean, nothing washes down a platter of ribs like a pound of cake, right Jack?

Here’s what we know about the Lakers:

The Lakers are the sports equivalent of Olivia Wilde. When I first saw her play Alex in Season 2 of the O.C., my whole definition of hot abruptly changed. She was the anti-Rosie O’Donnell. Girls that I once considered hot were now only cute, and cute girls became decent girls and ugly girls started looking more and more like guys. Even Jennifer Love Hewitt had to slide down a notch or two. Alex set the hot standard so high, even really attractive girls weren’t as impressive as they once were.

Getting to the very top of anything probably means you’re a little bit crazy. Why do you think just about everyone in Hollywood is slightly cracked out?

Would you even be remotely surprised if Lindsay Lohan were on trial for murder? Will Ferrell got engaged to a farm animal? Megan Fox discovered a way to sleep with herself? Chris Brown beat up his girlfriend – Oh yeah, that actually happened. Chances are, none of those things would be all that shocking.

For most of us, it defies our human tendencies to be crazy enough to really kick someone while they’re on the ground.

This is a relatively, well, boring part of the NBA season for the Lakers. All the hype of the Kobe, Shaq reunion during All-Star weekend is fading. Our matchups with the East elite – Boston, Cleveland, Orlando – have come and gone. Barring a freak accident involving both Kobe Bryant and Pau Gasol, the road to the NBA Finals will travel through Staples Center.

After watching the Lakers squeak out a victory in Minnesota last night, I made the mistake of flipping on the 81st Annual ‘Self-Absorption’ Awards (I.e. the Oscars). Two hours later, I woke up from an intense nap to find that I had drooled a miniature Laguna Beach all over my couch pillow. There was just something about listening to Sean Penn praise himself, and those who praise him for praising him, that forced my mind into a slight state of comatose. I mean, do we really need a whole show to celebrate with the most celebrated people in the world as they celebrate themselves?

Apparently, somebody thinks so.