I was faced with quite a difficult equation last Tuesday afternoon. J-Ri wants to go see Twilight + J-Ri doesn’t want to tell anyone that he actually wants to see it + J-Ri doesn’t want to be seen by anyone he might know = J-Ri goes to a 4:50pm show by himself.

I walked into an empty theater. That lasted for about twelve seconds. Hundreds of Mini-van’s with soccer mom’s surely were flooding away from the drop-off area outside. Scores of retainer carrying tweenies awkwardly poured into the seats around me. Meaningless chatter and high pitched voices accompanied the sudden outbursts of giggling in the once empty theater. I felt like a creepy old man. I thought, “OMG, I was like totally their age when they were born.” That thought was followed by this one: “OMG, did I just think in text-message lingo? OMG. OMG! I did it again, LOL. LOL? I just lied in my brain. I didn’t laugh out loud at all.”

… Still with me? Good.

So, I took a little time to recover after seeing Twilight. In that time I was overcome with a burning lust for Robert Pattinson. He’s unbearably sexy and I just had to meet him. I proceeded to take a small road trip across the continental U.S. to search for the face of Edward Cullen himself. [...]

If you’re between the ages of swimming sperm and twenty-five, you may define the word twilight a little differently than the rest of the world. Apparently, it really has nothing to do with the time of day just before dawn. It’s so much bigger than that. Don’t believe me? Just ask a random teenie-bopper on [...]

From the time it became clear that Barrack Obama would win the Presidency last night, I have received quite an array of emails and text messages. Here are some of my favorites: “Ha J-Ri, I guess your vote didn’t really matter after all!” “Finally, the change America needs!” “I’m moving to Europe.” “I wonder if [...]

Donald Miller, Christian author most famous for “Blue Like Jazz”, wrote a great piece in support of Barrack Obama. I encourage you to read it here. I sent the above article to a close friend here in Los Angeles, and he put together this response. I felt like it also made some excellent points. I [...]

I made the mistake last night of falling asleep with CNN on. … Not that I didn’t enjoy watching ESPN’s repetitive highlights of the Rays whaling away on the ill fated Red Sox. Thanks to this severe error of judgment, my brain decided to make me the moderator of tonight’s words forum. Yes, I dreamt [...]

… It’s 2004, and your younger more attractive self is told one of the following will happen in 2008: – America will elect a guy named Barrack Hussein Obama as President of the U.S. – America will elect a 72 year-old guy who chooses a beauty pageant queen as his VP. I’d probably assume Hugh [...]

It’s amazing to me that these guys are able to form complete sentences without saying anything at all. Tom: Mr. Riley, why did the Lakers lose tonight? J-Ri: Well, the sky is blue, Tom (chuckles). School’s need money to provide more dodge balls at recess. It’s been said that higher taxes mean you pay more [...]

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