It’s New Years Eve! I’ve always found this day to be hilarious. More bold-faced lies are spewed out of people’s mouths between the hours of 10pm and 3am than all the other days of the year combined. I think New Years Eve should be renamed to somehow commemorate everyone with Political Science degrees. Ever heard these before?
I sincerely hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! Mine was filled with food that I would never eat the other 364 days of the year. 
Why not take a break? I mean, you can only pretend to like that one family member with a drinking problem for so long, right?
Here’s what’s new on J-Ri.com:
I awoke this morning to discover a ‘special’ Holiday message from the Los Angeles Clippers in my inbox. I excitedly raced to the link, where I was greeted with this.
What are the chances those players were being held at gunpoint? And why am I on the Clippers mailing list? If I’m a Clippers fan (I read somewhere that there’s a couple of them), that video is about the last thing I want to see during the Holidays.
I want to share a Scripture with you from the very, very, very revised and amplified version:
“In the beginning, God created Los Angeles, Phoenix, Albuquerque, Miami and Australia. He saw that it was good and rested. And some time later, Eve approached Adam and said, “So, umm, I was surfing yesterday and this snake gave me an apple. I don’t even like apples! I laughed and threw it in the ocean. A few minutes later, he came back and gave me something called ‘cheesecake’. It was from that factory restaurant in Venice that we’re not supposed to visit. Anyway, try this, it’s good stuff and I didn’t die at all!” So Adam ate the factory cheesecake, and obesity was born into the world. Adam and Eve immediately fell into a deep, food induced sleep. When they awoke many hours later, Eve turned to Adam and said, “Why are we naked? And why do I suddenly feel insecure about myself? Let’s hide from God.” Adam concurred and they hid in the garden from God.
I feel like flying from Los Angeles to Kansas City should not qualify as traveling. I think it’s more like un-traveling. Airlines should generally assume that people on board these “un-traveling” flights must be attending to some sort of emergency.
“Hi, and welcome aboard Southwest Airlines. We offer you our sincere condolences regarding whatever situation caused you to board this flight. If there’s anything our psychologist flight attendants can do to make your trip more bearable, please press the little ding button that lights up above your seat.”
If a picture (or two) can paint a thousand words, then let this display how much I love my family…
Ah, the excitement of the first day of another week most likely doing the exact opposite of what you’d planned on ten years ago. Can you picture this?
9-Year Old You: But Dad! I don’t want to make a lot of money! Why can’t I sit in a cubicle? I don’t care what you say! One day, I’m going to live maybe a couple of my dreams and forget about the rest! I don’t care what excuses I have to make, I will absolutely not live up to my potential!
Let’s take a trip together for a moment.
Dear 2Pac ~
How’s Cuba? It’s crazy to think you’ve been living there for twelve years now. Is your cave big? I at least hope it’s on the west side of the mountains. You still gotta’ represent, west side for life, ya’ heard? How’s Biggie doing? I bet he’s biggier than ever with all that Cuban food. I hope you’re at least staying in shape. It’d be weird if you were fat and that “thug life” tattoo wrapped around your love handles.
If you’ve ever told me that I’m vain, read on. Umm, even if you haven’t, you should read on also…
So, I’m at the gym today. I set the 300 pound dumbbells I use for curls back on the rack. I know they say 30, but they’re really 300. It’s a gym secret. You wouldn’t understand. I notice the guy on the bench next to me standing rather close to the mirror. He appeared to wipe a bead or two of sweat off his face, fixed his hair and sat back down on the bench.
To my surprise, I’ve actually taken some heat over these Twilight articles. It’s just another movie, right!? Well, maybe. While Twilight may seem a little young and teenie-boppish (can that possibly be a word?) for me to write or care about, I promise there’s a good reason for all of the seemingly pointless rambling about it. For those of you who read my interview with the worlds’ biggest Twilight fan (i.e. my sister Rachel), you’d most likely assume her and I would have a very different take on the movie. And, you’d be absolutely right. One of us enjoyed it and one of us didn’t. You just may be surprised to see who was on which side, and why.